It was you;
what I remembered and what I wished for.
There are days where I want to thank you
for everything you’ve taught me,
then there are days like today.
You are, for the time being, something I regret.
I hope to god you know that.
Forever looking over my shoulder at the past;
trying to change history.
I miss you.
Learning to live with the melancholy has been a long journey for me, and one that led me to finding a lot of fantastic in what many consider to be ordinary.
After days, weeks, months, of laying in the dark, I kept having to break down a number of beliefs and structures I’d been raised to believe as truths, and that were found empty and unable to provide solace. At least to me.
Perhaps I became more ok with not knowing everything, even though I wanted to. My world grew to allow that somethings can seem paradoxical to my eyes, and perhaps only have a better understanding in ways I’ve not yet learned.
That in sorrow, I could find a way to joy.
That in defeat and brokenness I could find some peace.
That in my individual story of my humanity, I found humanity’s shared story of awkward discovery and stumbling forward.
So I survived and I learned, and I look for the hints of beauty at the corners and intersections of odd things.
I find joy in a breath drawn, that doesn’t have to, and a moment to listen to music or laughter or honking of horns.
It is hard when our childhood dreams die, when our illusions and constructs fall apart, when we see behind the curtain. When we commence that transition from ‘fantasy’ to ‘fact’, or at least our perceptions of them.
And then there.. sneaking and peeking around the corners again, the dreams and the beauty twinkle and call us out. Not that we reject fact and launch out into fantasy, or that we build walls against the fantastic and bury ourselves in the fact, but perhaps that we might find a way to walk in the ungainly balance of fantastic facts.
Of a world that has dreams and reality.
Perhaps this too will fade for me one day, to be replaced by something different. But for now it is where I am, and I will continue to try to walk and learn, listen and share, seek and discover, and be thankful for these extra breaths, these friends I have found, and the fantastic facts that surround.
It is enough.
And I’m going to go have some cereal.
I’m thankful for cereal today."
Don’t overthink. Just trust that instinct, and maybe fate, will cause you to eventually stumble down the right path. And don’t think where that path goes.
Do what you love and stop being scared of the consequences.
Do what feels right.
Someone once told me I lacked faith.
Incredibly powerful. This is why I’m pursuing photojournalism.
Rio de Janiero-based photographer Michel de Souza was at the protests capturing everything on camera, and captured the point-of-view footage above showing what he saw as he snapped photos.